HE COULD ONLY WISH it wasn’t true. he could see the pain in her eyes, and how his heart trembles to watch everything crumble around him and oh god– it aches, it aches harder than the PUNCHES that land on his chest every weekend at the bar; it’s worse than the constant reminder that whatever they do, they will leave behind TURMOIL, they will leave behind CHAOS, and it will all be his fault. he once argued with himself the difference of being in love, and loving, and this is where he learns that it doesn’t MATTER anymore.
( i was in love with you – )
was there truly anything he could do– was there anything he could do to fix this–? he grabs his things, not uttering a single word. he fights to breathe, he tries so hard to keep his head up to look at her. this is nothing that his SELFISH PRIDE can solve. there’s a freckled child standing behind her, and it’s his. he’d ran off before, and it was proven that it had done absolutely nothing but add up to his MISTAKES, and he’s tired of it, now. he’s tired of fucking EVERYTHING up. “i just want to make it up to you.”
※ War was exhausting. With the cost of the fight so high, many men didn’t find themselves able to justify that cost, not without a single glance of their commander-in-chief. Lafayette had only heard whispers around the camp of General Washington, his name more myth than reality to a good amount of American soldiers and the French one who fought with them. But he wasn’t about to let that upset him - the war wasn’t lost yet, so he would keep fighting. He would fight and fight and continue to fight until he met his end at the end of a bayonet or a musket or, god forbid, a rope around his neck. And perhaps that’s why he found himself drinking so much - a drink at the end of the night to forget the events of the day and to prepare himself for the same events the next day.
※ He’d found that there was no better drinking partner than John. Hercules often wanted to drag him to bed far earlier in the night than Lafayette wanted to turn in. Alexander was working himself day and night, barely taking time to offer a greeting as they passed each other in the camp. But John? John held his own, John laughed as they drank, John somehow managed to brighten up the dire situation they were in. “No occasion,” Lafayette answered, relaxing his posture a bit, trying to mirror John, to appear less noble, less out-of-place, less Marquis and more Lafayette. “Just the two of us, enjoying a night. Who knows what will happen tomorrow, so why not savor the night, yes?”
john finds himself mentally preparing for the night that’s soon to blur in on itself with every BOTTLE of rum he’ll be drinking– he knows that he’ll need it. there will be TURMOIL the next day, it will only be safe not to think about it. “you speak as if we will never live to see the rest of tomorrow–” he tries to keep his tone CHEERY, but the disposition is grim; wherever there is WAR, there will be DEATH; and they can only do nothing but their best. john calls for someone to get them cheap goblets for their drinks, a hand on his knee as he turns to grin at his friend– john will never admit how much he ANTICIPATES the battlefield. it is sure to worry his comrades of how inclined he is to DIE in battle; as he sets foot in the danger, his heart paces FASTER than the speed of his horse– and he’s willing to bleed it out.
sometimes he finds himself thinking of nothing but a BULLET through him– sickness will carry him to the ground as his breath swiftly passes, there will be BLOOMS in the soil he’ll be buried under, and people will remember him as a MARTYR. he drinks every night to FORGET how wrong it is to romanticize death, there are thousands of soldiers that fight by his side that would rather not LOSE to it. is he a coward for thinking of it? he pulls himself away from his intrusive thoughts — “raise a glass to another CHAOS, another day we step further down precariousness.
mon cher, at least live LONGER than me, will you?”
I would kill for you. • I would make love to you. • I would fuck you. • I would protect you. • I would hurt you for a selfish cause. • I wish we had more in common. • I want nothing to do with you. • I want to see you cry. • I want a future with you. • I want to destroy your future. • I do not care what you do. • I am indifferent towards you. • I want children with you. • I love you ( platonically ) • I love you ( romantically ) • I love you like family. • You are my family. • I could fall in love with you. • I would lie for you. • I would fight by your side. • I will never let you go. • I would hold you while you cried. • I would hug you. • I want to kiss you. • I would stay by your bedside if you were ill. • I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. • I want to forget you. • I will never forget you. • I only want to make you proud. • I wish I could make you happy. • You deserve nothing. • I will never forgive you. • You confuse me.
the great gatsby : status : no longer accepting :@unxlterable
Here he finds his once lover, and heart must NOT feel a thing. Outside room you can hear music SWELL, and it’s when one would remember that they are indeed at a ball. John and Alexander so carefully isolated in some opulent library as drunken phrase fills room. Hands go to run down the spine of whatever books the owner has seen FIT to fill shelves as Alexander ducks the phrase for a moment.
IS THIS the way John will deal with the situation? Alexander already knowing that there IS no happy ending for the pair of them – in another life, another time? perhaps. Though life was NEVER full of second chances, and sometimes love? Well, sometimes love wasn’t the be all & end all. There were moments a time, in which you got to CHOOSE your path. One of them had chosen their path long ago, and had been SEALED when John had indeed tied his last name to Martha Manning. There was an ache in Alexander’s heart that would never heal, a realization that what they had would never be more than a few fading memories. The realization of THAT on it’s own accord is enough to drive Alexander to the edge of reason. Still, one MUST move on, Alexander MUST conquer this heartache ( HE MUST !!!! ), and feel it no longer.
Hardening resolve Alexander finally looks upon John, and gives a WEAK smile, ❝ ONLY a week … ? – Jac-JOHN. ❞ He corrects self as he goes to pick a book from the shelf, and lithe fingers go to absentmindedly flip pages. Cannot BRING himself to look at John as he readies self to say next phrase, Surely you have forgotten yourself – TONGUE SHARPENING as it readies self to draw BLOOD from another, ❝ Do you think I actually FELT something for you … ❞ brow creases as he gives John a puzzled look. ❝ You were nothing but a mere infatuation, a ACHE to be scratched – when you TOLD me of your MARRIAGE John whatever did you expect ? ❞
( WATCH !!! as he expertly cuts the remaining strings to the other. ) ❝ Did you think that I would be GRATEFUL ? … that I would ever BE as foolish as y o u to attach my heart to someone who was NEVER going to be anything to me ? ❞ Tone has an acidic quality to it, ❝ I have let you GO John … and I’d advise you to do the same – whatever FANTASY you’re living in I’d advise that you’d do your best to banish me from thoughts. ❞ In one swift moment Alexander slams the book down on table, and walks away from the room and the heartache that IS John Laurens.
I would kill for you. • I would make love to you. • I would fuck you. • I would protect you. • I would hurt you for a selfish cause. • I wish we had more in common. • I want nothing to do with you. • I want to see you cry. • I want a future with you. • I want to destroy your future. • I do not care what you do. • I am indifferent towards you. • I want children with you. • I love you ( platonically ) • I love you ( romantically ) • I love you like family. • You are my family. • I could fall in love with you. • I would lie for you. • I would fight by your side. • I will never let you go. • I would hold you while you cried. • I would hug you. • I want to kiss you. • I would stay by your bedside if you were ill. • I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. • I want to forget you. • I will never forget you. • I only want to make you proud. • I wish I could make you happy. • You deserve nothing. • I will never forgive you. • You confuse me.
I would kill for you. • I would make love to you. • I would fuck you. • I would protect you. • I would hurt you for a selfish cause. • I wish we had more in common. • I want nothing to do with you. • I want to see you cry. • I want a future with you. • I want to destroy your future. • I do not care what you do. • I am indifferent towards you. • I want children with you. • I love you ( platonically ) • I love you ( romantically ) • I love you like family. • You are my family. • I could fall in love with you. • I would lie for you. • I would fight by your side. • I will never let you go. • I would hold you while you cried. • I would hug you. • I want to kiss you. • I would stay by your bedside if you were ill. • I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. • I want to forget you. • I will never forget you. • I only want to make you proud. • I wish I could make you happy. • You deserve nothing. • I will never forgive you. • You confuse me.
send me ❤ and I will bold all that applies to your muse
I would kill for you. • I would make love to you. • I would fuck you. • I would protect you. • I would hurt you for a selfish cause. • I wish we had more in common. • I want nothing to do with you. • I want to see you cry. • I want a future with you. • I want to destroy your future. • I do not care what you do. • I am indifferent towards you. • I want children with you. • I love you ( platonically ) • I love you ( romantically ) • I love you like family. • You are my family. • I could fall in love with you. • I would lie for you. • I would fight by your side. • I will never let you go. • I would hold you while you cried. • I would hug you. • I want to kiss you. • I would stay by your bedside if you were ill. • I want to fall asleep with you in my arms. • I want to forget you. • I will never forget you. • I only want to make you proud. • I wish I could make you happy. • You deserve nothing. • I will never forgive you. • You confuse me.
I know you made him
with gunmetal bones
and wolf’s teeth.
I know you made him to be
a warrior
a soldier
a hero.
But even gunmetal can warp
and even wolf’s teeth can dull
and I do not want to see him break
the way old and worn and overused things do.
I do not want to see him go up in flames
the way all heroes end up martyrs.
I know that you will tell me
that the world needs him.
The world needs his heart
and his faith
and his courage
and his strength
and his bones and his teeth and his blood and his voice and his–
The world needs anything he will give them.
Damn the world,
and damn you too.
Damn anyone that ever asked anything of him,
damn anyone that ever took anything from him,
damn anyone that ever prayed to his name.
You know that he will give them everything
until there is nothing left of him
but the imprint of dust
where his feet once trod.
You know that he will bear the world like Atlas
until his shoulders collapse
and his knees buckle
and he is crushed by all he used to carry.
Dear God,
you have already made an Atlas.
You have already made an Achilles and an Icarus and a Hercules.
You have already made a sacrificial lamb of your Son.
You have already made so many heroes,
and you can make another again.
You can have your pick of heroes.
So please, I beg you–
he is all that I have,
and you have so many heroes
and the world has so many more.
Let him be soft,
and let him be mine.
the encampment was very DIFFERENT than she thought it would be. it was strange to be there. alexander had made a point to keep her innocent to the war — especially now that she was pregnant. he was particularly nervous now that she had arrived ; must be why she was left in the hands of his dearest friend. ❝ i have heard MUCH about you. alexander admires you greatly. ❞❞
he turns to her, a glass of water in his calloused hand to lend to the wife– one could say he was a tad CONCERNED himself to have her within the perimeters of the camp, but from her confident poise and the POLITE tonality of her soothing voice, it won’t be that bad to keep her around. he presumes she’s a woman he can TRUST and put his faith in– she is alexander’s wife after all. “alexander is the most INFLUENTIAL man i’ve ever met, i can only hope to return the favor.” he tells her with a smile. “i brought you a glass of water–” a brief pause, “also,i can’t help but wonder, what brings you HERE to the encampment?”
